24 Jul Does Your Subconscious Decide Who You Date?
Have you ever experienced a great relationship and then the moment you get comfortable, something goes wrong? If this happens on more than two occasions, then it could mean that you are perpetually attracted to a certain type of personality( subconsciously) and sometimes even knowingly get into a pattern, knowing that it might end up in a breakup.
You might wonder, why would I knowingly enter a relationship that won’t work long term?
The truth is that when you access your subconscious mind, you can understand why you choose the men/ women, and your patterns( your expectations, your desires to be treated a certain way, your soft spots and your triggers)
The problem is that we stick with these patterns because we feel “safe”. We wait in our perfectly imperfect world, for the other person to break up with us( because we expect the wrong men/women to work out for us), and we just as easily reverse roles and front the break up when the pattern is thrown out of whack.
As we grow older, and realize that we’ve been following a negative pattern, we might think “next time when I meet a guy/girl who fits my pattern, I’ll know exactly what to expect”. But will you? Or are you forever going to be a victim of conditioned responses? Are you doomed to repeat the same unconscious relationship pattern as last time?
Are we all just dating the same person, over and over again?
That’s the thing with patterns, they don’t go away just because you tell them to. It has been wired into your brain to select that very specific set of personality.
Here are a few things that can help you in this case.
- Be aware that you have a problem – being conscious of the issue is the first step.
- Look back at your dating history and identify the patterns. For each person you have been with – list the top five qualities you loved about them and also list the top five qualities you couldn’t live with. Look at the similarities of the qualities you couldn’t live with.
- Define the intention for your life and your future relationships. Examine how you can be emotionally, spiritually and physically strong. Once you have identified your reasons for choosing badly in the past, don’t continue to focus on those reasons. Instead, focus on the type of man/woman you want to be with and the life you want to create. Focus on how you want to feel.
- Learn to spot the bad qualities and the person who will control/manipulate you.
- Get some professional help –you may need to go and get some counselling.
- Be patient – change takes time.
- Become friends first. This allows you to get to know the person, and it gives you a realistic picture without the emotional attachment.
If you want some help on how to have a successful relationship, try our Relationship Pack.
Nehita is a mindfulness expert who writes extensively on lifestyle management, wellness and ways to lead a healthier and a happier life. She is a part of Aware’s expert team on meditation. She is also an avid artist who spends most her time dribbling amazing stories through art.