08 Jul 1 Simple Solution to Save your Relationship
Relationship can be the most meaningful part of your life. There is compelling evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the health risks from being alone or isolated in one’s life are comparable to the risks associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity. Research shows that healthy relationships can help you to live longer, reduce stress, be healthier and feel richer.
Many of us spend our whole lives trying to figure out how relationships work, and still feel like we don’t understand them. But the truth is that once we gain some understanding, we realize that having good relationships isn’t as complicated as we might think.
The main reason we have difficulties with relationships is that many of us can’t see beyond our own wants and needs. So, if we’re dealing with someone who sees the world from another perspective, then we’re constantly going to be involved in a power struggle each trying to get his own way. Our relationships will be filled with conflict and misunderstanding. Moreover, it is first important to understand the dynamics behind relationship issues. Relationship issues don’t occur because two people are different or they do not agree. People do not need to agree, or be similar, in order to get along great. Issues occur because one or both people are practicing judgment. It is judgment that causes all the issues in relationships. Without judgment, relationships thrive and when you release judgment, relationships heal.
Why is being judgmental so detrimental to relationships? When we feel judged, it invokes a feeling of rejection, so we either close down or we judge in return, in order to protect ourselves. Either reaction causes distance and discord.
Even if we call our judgment by the name of love and caring, it is still judgment and it will always do the opposite of what we intended. If you want to lose someone, judge them.
You cannot love someone and judge them at the same time.
Releasing your judgment for another will help to heal the relationship, but it is not the whole story. There is a little trick to this healing process. If you follow this one powerful process below, you have the power to heal any relationship.
Mindfulness is the process of paying attention, in an open, nonjudgmental way, to your experience in the present moment. Mindfulness training exercises include deliberately focusing on the breath as an anchor for your attention, maintaining an open awareness of whatever thoughts and feelings spontaneously arise in your mind and body, and deliberately directing kind and compassionate feelings towards self and others.
Mindfulness helps to better manage the body’s reactions, regulate emotions and anxieties- all key ingredients for healthy relationships. Basically, mindfulness helps your brain work in ways to make choices in the heat of the moment that serve your relationship, rather than being dragged around by your early experiences.
Mindfulness can improve your relationships in many ways by changing how you connect and interact with others. Here are some of the reasons that mindfulness matters in a relationship:
- Mindfulness helps you to understand your partner’s needs.
How many times have you had a conversation with your partner and you were not really hearing a thing that they were saying? Or you were busy trying to guess what they were thinking and feeling while they were talking without actually giving them a chance to explain themselves? You may get distracted while they were expressing their needs and not even hear what they were saying. These things have become normal for all of us but practicing mindfulness allows us to recognize these behaviors when they’re happening so that we can focus on our partner.
This means that we can be present so that we have a better idea of what they need from us. It allows us to notice if we start checking our e-mail in the middle of the conversation so that we can stop and put our phone away. It helps us to hear what our partner is expressing to us so we can acknowledge what they’re saying and how they feel without trying to guess what we can do for them. For example, instead of trying to give them solutions for the frustration they experienced at work that day maybe you can empathize with them about how hard their day actually was so that they know you’re hearing them. After all, sometimes your partner wants your presence and doesn’t actually want you to try to problem solve for them but you won’t pick up on that if you aren’t mindful.
- Mindfulness can decrease stress in relationships.
Relationships can be stressful and it is sometimes because we aren’t really living in the present moment. We often bring up issues from the past over and over again and we react to current situations based on something that has happened in the past. Did your partner forget to pick up milk on the way home from work? Do you react by reminding them about all the times they’ve forgotten to take out the garbage, not helped out with the cleaning, or did something else that really pissed you off instead of recognizing that they had a busy day and it slipped their mind? Being mindful of the current moment and the present situation decreases a lot of unnecessary stress on your relationship.
- Mindfulness allows you to appreciate the good moments more often in your relationship.
By paying attention to what you are doing with your partner, you will be able to enjoy the good moments in your life more because you’re going to be able to experience them more fully. This means that when you’re doing something with your partner, you’re going to actually be present during it. You’re going to be more aware of how you are feeling and you’re going to be able to experience those feelings and sensations in your body as well.
You’re no longer going to be drifting off into space thinking about the chores you should have done or the fight you had last week. When you catch yourself doing that, you’re going to be able to re-focus on what you’re doing that moment whether you are enjoying your favorite TV show together, cooking a nice dinner, or even laughing together on a drive somewhere.